What You Can Do
- You should show leadership and confidence by sitting upright. Keep looking ahead (without staring), and make eye contact for about five seconds at a time, placing your hands in a steeple position and not smiling too much.
- You can request feedback to a question you have asked by putting out your right hand, palm up and about six inches in front of you. This gesture clearly shows that you are handing the conversation over to the other person.
- You can change your own position by either standing up or moving around. This may prompt the customer to change also.
- Match the speed, pressure and time of a handshake and maintain eye contact. This indicates that you consider the relationship to be equal.
- If you notice some negative body behaviour, try asking some short questions that just need the answer ‘yes’. You should notice a change to a more positive attitude.
First Impressions
The First Few SecondsMuch has been written about first impressions, which count a lot not only in sales and networking situations but also in job interviews. Whenever I have interviewed job applicants I have always made a conscious effort to put my first impression to one
side and give potential applicants the benefit of a well-structured interview. But maybe I shouldn’t have given myself such a hard time: recent research has shown that a teacher whose effectiveness was evaluated by his students over a whole term got the same reaction from students who only watched five seconds of the same teacher on video!
What Happens Next?
A first impression is made up of two elements. First, within a few seconds we perform what psychologists call a ‘thin slice’. Malcolm Gladwell, in his book
Blink, defines this as ‘the innate human ability to be able to get to the truth of someone or something in an instant.’ During this initial activity our subconscious picks up all the non-verbal clues: checking out clothes, look, expressions, walk, height etc. We get to the truth as we see it, based of course on our prevailing attitudes and prejudices.
Second, we move onto interacting with the other person, making new and generally more conscious evaluations over the next ten minutes or so. This first impression tends to last a long time and whenever we speak to the same person again we tend to try to look for information that will confirm our first impression.
Prejudices
It is very useful to be aware of your own prejudices, whether these are about race, height, accent or gender. If you know that you have a particular prejudice against say, a certain regional accent, then you need to spend the few minutes after the ‘thin slice’ trying to make a personal connection with the other person.
An interview is a relatively structured situation and you know that you should try to get the interviewee to talk - you know you have to give them an opportunity to sell themselves. In other less formal situations there are some tactics that you can employ to try to ensure that you give a good first impression. Above all, show genuine interest in the other person and you will be seen as having a generous spirit.
Tips For Making A Good First Impression
- Start with a strong handshake – you are seen as more confident, assertive and intelligent. It is particularly vital for women to avoid the ‘wet fish’ approach but also don’t try to dominate with a ‘bone crusher’.
- Don’t disclose too much personal information too soon – you can appear too self-absorbed.
- Stay relaxed – it makes you seem approachable. Smiling too much appears fake but not smiling looks cold.
- Think about your clothes – people who wear a bit of colour are seen to be more accessible than those who wear severe clothes in dark colours.
- Stay positive – even if you have had a dreadful journey, starting a conversation with a negative makes you seem difficult.
- Show you’re pleased to meet someone – be enthusiastic, smile and try to connect with what is being said. We all like people who like us.
- Try to start the conversation – whoever starts the conversation gains an element of gratitude from the other person.
- Listen carefully – don’t interrupt. Stay focused on the other person, be genuinely interested and make occasional appreciative comments.
- You don’t need to talk – and if while listening you smile, lean forward and look at the talker, you will make a positive impression.
- Let others talk – good first impressions are made by encouraging others to talk about themselves, not by you showing off your talents or achievements.
- Share the conversation – try to speak for less than 50 per cent of the time and don’t always try to steer the conversation back to your experiences.